Worthless


              

       Hello, how are you? How are you doing? I hope you're still doing well after such a long time. I've been thinking about this one question for the past few months. Why did we always feel insecure and worthless?

       There are times in my life when I feel uncertain about myself, perhaps because of the people I'm around with. They don't always critique me or make me feel this way, but as a person, you can't deny that you sometimes wish you were someone else because they are better than you; better than your personality, intelligence, or physically.

      I'll admit that I'm the type of girl who feels insecure about herself because she believes she isn't pretty enough or doesn't fit the ideal of beauty in this culture. For all of these reasons, I've already accepted the truth that I'll never be a better person for others.

                I already feel useless and as if I don't belong in society at times, but what I learned in all of my thinking is that I only consider what other people think of me and that I don't consider myself or my feelings. That's why, I'm always so alone even when surrounded by people that I know. I'm always so astounded by my ability to ruin everything. Losing friends and starting fires because everyone thinks I'm a liar.

        Losing my confidence and always feeling insecure also gave me this thought, who am I supposed to be? When will I be complete? When will they be proud of me? Because its actually getting harder to see and I just want to slit my wrist and see my bloody fists and questioning why I exist because pain persist and evil gifts fucking my life to shit.

        I'm not looking for someone to tell me I'm attractive since I know I'm not. I don't have the ideal physical look that people desire; I don't have the glass or clear complexion, long and lustrous hair, gorgeous long nails, super white skin, ideal height, and I might not be the most trustworthy and kind person anyone has ever met.

       "Oh, you just need a little bit of confidence and hope because everyone is beautiful and don't worry about what other people say because it doesn't matter at all," you could say. While you are probably correct, do you know how many people said those words? The saddest aspect is that even if there had been a ray of hope and encouragement, no one was there. I can't recall the last time I heard someone compliment me on my appearance.


       Isn't that true? It hurts because you feel the same way, but don't worry; all of your feelings are real, and there are a lot of individuals who feel the same way. But we can't deny that it hurts, that it really hurts, that it feels like someone stabbed you in the heart.

       You are one of the options but never be the choice.

       Ouch, right? But yeah that is life.

       
      You've probably heard these words from a lot of people, but I'll say it again: you can't satisfy everyone.
       This is for everyone; however, please mind your own business because there are a lot of folks out there who aren't feeling well and aren't ready to hear your harsh comments for them. Life is not as simple as you may believe. There are a lot of folks who are already coping with their own problems; please don't add to their weight.



       For the person reading this, whether you know me personally or not, I may not be the best person you'll ever meet, I may not be the most trustworthy person, you may be angry with me because of things I've done in the past, and I may be evil at times, and I may be worthless but you can always count on me and I'm proud of you and I really appreciate for the person who you become now.

























("I am so proud of you and I really appreciate you. I love you" I hope that someone will whisper that to your ear at some point in the future because you deserve to hear it, and I have the same wish for myself.)



        

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