Why Do I Exist?

       

        Hi, how are you today? I don't know what you're going through right now, but I hope it's not the same as what I'm going through.

   You have undoubtedly heard the adage "life is a roller coaster ride." We have experienced both being at the top and being really glad in everything, as well as being at the bottom and miserable in anything.

    But allow me to ask: Have you ever questioned why we must go through that? Why can't we just always be happy?

    Why is it so easy to kill your happiness but why is it so hard to kill your sadness?

    To be really honest, my thoughts are currently murdering, ruining, and kicking me. To hold myself feels like I'm dying inside. My opinions need to be heard, and I want to yell. You're probably wondering right now who the hell I am to write articles about motivation while I'm actually incredibly demotivated.

I'm even doubting why I keep doing this right now. You know what my thoughts are telling me, though? It implies that I am unworthy of being heard. That other people don't deserve to have their lives interfered with and damaged by me..

    I start to remove myself from everyone whenever I feel like I'm having a self-esteem crisis or that there is something wrong with me because I know that no one would understand me since even I don't know what is going on. 

     Accepting the idea that life constantly fucks me was really difficult. I don't know why, but having negative thoughts feels so normal that there isn't a month that goes by when I don't. But what makes it so difficult for me is that I never seem to get used to it.

    However, someone made me understand what I was doing. I came to the realization that the only reason I am excellent at providing advice is because I tell other people what I wish someone had told me.

    Then...

    Someone told me, "Why do you think that kind of feeling exist? Because it has a purpose. We may not be able to identify it, but there is. Remember this, that NOTHING you feel, has SOMETHING on it. Every time you are tired, don't ever say you are done, and you'll give up, just say you are going to rest until you feel better".

    "Feeling that way is normal, although it might not be healthy, but it is normal."

    Accepting that we cannot be happy all the time in this life is difficult. That life will sometimes get on our nerves, but that there is little we can do about it other than understand that in order for the world to keep evolving, we must go through and feel these shits.

    I may not understand why I'm experiencing nothing at the moment, but I'll continue to believe that there is something there. It's difficult for me to overcome my melancholy since I am trapped in my own negative thoughts. This is probably because I'm exhausted and need to lay down and rest for a little time. 

     

    There are reasons why I need to experience losing myself in order to understand the significance of my life. Losing myself now is the start of a new beginning, the beginning of discovering my purpose, myself, and my happiness..

    Life is too short, and this journey is going to be difficult, therefore I won't stay this way or allow myself to get demotivated.

Note to Self: 

        Life is tough, so are you. 

        You will get through this.