Silhouette of Life

     How have you been? Life has been so difficult recently, but I hope you are safe and well this year. First and foremost, I hope your year doesn't start miserable as I am.

       It is 12th of March 2023. 

     Actually, I've been working on this piece for almost a year. That took so long because I was considering my thoughts, if that's the correct phrase. Yet, couple hours ago I simply understood that I'm genuinely not considering. But I'm truly waiting for inspiration or motivation to continue writing this post.

    Life continues to send things into our life that we do not want to be a part of or face. It's always a major question for me as to why I'm here. Is it my destiny to suffer? or was I born to dwell in misery? or maybe life isn't as bad as it appears to me, but I'm the one who makes it so?

    These are the questions that keep me empty as a human. I simply feel like I'm here because someone needs me, or because someone is cheering for what I'm going to be. I'm only here to fulfil someone's wish. I have no idea what to do with my life. I've always desired a prosperous and meaningful life, but not this type of meaningful for everyone but yet undefined for me.

   

   Someone gave me a proper farewell letter early this morning, about 12:30 a.m. Perhaps other people will not even consider it a goodbye because it was simply said in the message that the individual, I was referring to had been inactive for quite some time.

    But that person really made me think about that message, and I can't get it out of my head. I wanted to cry every time I opened the letter, yet I felt numb at the same time. I had a lot of questions after receiving the notification alerting me that the individual would be inactive. Are you planning to return? Are you going through something? Did I make a mistake? Why is it now?


   But you can guess how I respond to this individual. My initial response was, "Oh, I totally understand po. Ingat ka din po lagi," but after thinking about the message for how many hours and editing it several times, my current response was, "Ah ganun po ba? Naiintindihan ko po. Just going to be here whenever you come back (if you will po). Ingat ka din po lagi." I placed "if you will po" in a parenthesis to give this individual a choice. Yet deep down inside, I was hoping, yearning, and praying that this person would return in the future; I have no clue when, but I will wait. 


    I had a lot of questions for this person, but this individual abruptly left me hanging. I'm not sure if my queries will be answered in the future or if they will remain unanswered in my thoughts.

    That may appear strange, but I even came to the point where I imagined things about everything due of that message.


   I admit that I occasionally overthink things or overreact to things that shouldn't be. But you can't blame me either. This person I was referring to become a friend and even a family member to me; I wanted to ask a lot of questions regarding this abrupt communication, but I also wanted to give this person peace of mind and support as much as I could. 


    One thing became clear to me as a result of this circumstance. Supporting someone in their decision is not always simple since we are often left with a slew of questions that only they can answer.

   I also learned that it is our option whether or not to live in misery in this life. But this time, I can state that I am miserable with my decision to support this individual since I wanted to stay connected to someone who has become my family, but I am also happy for supporting this individual's decision.

  

    It's difficult to go on living when things like this happen, but it's sometimes preferable to be harmed for the purpose of providing everyone peace of mind than not. It is difficult to give up our happiness, but it will help us grow and demonstrate our support and love for someone. Changes is the only constant thing in this world. 


    Let me to amend this page from time to time because I'm very sure it's only the beginning of everything.




- ang unfair mo hanggang dulo, ate hahaha. You just left me/us that easy with nothing. But im wishing the best for you po. See you soon probably? haha. Ingat!


Comments

  1. AnonymousMarch 14, 2023 at 3:05 PM

    Ingatan mo sarili mo, palagi. Thank you for the kind words. I'll talk to you again, soon. God bless you.

    ReplyDelete

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