Cutting Spree

     Sometimes I just wish I could read your mind to find out how you really feel about me. 

    It's me, again. What are you doing? Though lately, things have been difficult, they will ultimately pass. 

    May 17, 2023, 7:51 p.m. I'm writing this post from my feelings and thoughts.  

  I said at the beginning of this post that I wished I could just read your thoughts to see how you truly feel about me because I wanted to know whether that emotion was so fleeting that it would be simple for you to sever our relationship. From that, let me leave you a question. 

    Do I genuinely accept and adore myself as I am? Or am I simply pretending to be fine at everything because I'm surrounded by people?

    I'll tell you a tale. I kept viewing movies about tarot cards on my social media accounts last December 2022, and eventually, I developed a curiosity for the subject. Despite not truly believing in such things, I then began to pay attention to them. I noticed that they all seemed to be trying to get the same idea through to me. Based on those tarot card videos, I've come to the conclusion that 2023 will be a successful year for me in terms of my academics, career, profession, and related disciplines if I put my mind to it. And I don't truly believe in such a thing since I'm not a fan of such things. 

    As the months went by, my schooling, career, and profession were all going according to plan, but then I started to make progress in my social life. I promised myself that I wouldn't want to hurt anyone who had been particularly kind to me, so I made the decision to cut ties with a close friend of mine because our relationship had been difficult from the start because she had been close to people who had caused me significant stress. I didn't want to be toxic to her, so I cut all communication with her. 

-You might be wondering what in the world I felt my buddy deserved that, and I can assure you that it is not easy for me to do that. Since I care about my buddy so much, I really don't want to do or even consider doing that, but I'm unable to live a regular life without beginning to harm her by being poisonous with my emotions. 

Then,

    After two months, I had a little argument with a buddy I've known since high school. After that miscommunication, I gave my friend some space for a week before deciding to get back in touch with her. However, my buddy wanted to break all contact with me. 

   I don't want to agree with her choice, but the person who helped me recognize how poisonous a friend I am by pointing out how unjust I was at the time we were friends. In the end, she is selecting herself or acting on her own behalf when she makes that decision.

-I'm still working to make amends with that person, and every day I keep holding out hope that we'll be able to communicate effectively once more.

Have I had enough of this?

I would want it to be the last, but I suppose it won't be. 

    Last weekend, I got a totally unexpected message from a buddy I've been connected with online for about two years. When I tried to talk to that person again after some miscommunication, they wouldn't even allow me. Although he didn't say it out loud, I could sense that night that he had completely disconnected from me. He cut off all communication with me.   

-I wanted to talk to this person to explain what actually occurred, but I didn't because I didn't want to complicate matters. He is not ready to hear from me again, so I didn't even try to reach out to him. But despite the fact that our conversation did not go as planned, I am still wishing for the best for him.

   But you might be asking how the tarot cards at the start of my narrative relate to it. I've come to understand that the tarot card films are somewhat accurate in their prediction that I would succeed in my education, career, or profession, but I never anticipated that this success would come at the expense of my friends, who are very important to me. 

    But since I am aware that I am the one who caused it to happen, I am not placing blame on the tarot cards' forecast for what is taking on in my social life. 

    I just came to the realization that nothing ever turns out the way we plan. Our lives are being affected by things that should be happening. Even if such events didn't occur at that time, they will undoubtedly occur in the future and may even be lot worse. 

What else can we do if these things keep happening, because we can't go back in time to undo anything that has already occurred or change who we are for all the mistakes we've made?

    I won't deny that it's difficult for me to accept what's happened since these individuals were by my side when I was at my lowest and they're the ones who helped me realize that I deserve this life and that both my life and I am valuable. But this thing occurred; finally, these individuals got my attention and made me realize that I should love myself for who I am, not for who I am with. 

What we can do is try to see the positive side of things. Let's simply assume that it will happen no matter what; perhaps if not then, it will be worse. We can't make people stick by our sides forever, but I
 made a promise to myself that in situations like this, even though communication has ceased, my friendship with them will endure. We may never speak again, but they will always be my friends, and that won't change. 

 Things happened and kept on happening because it supposed to happen. Things will affect you seven times as much if someone, something, or both depart or are lost.  His plans are greater than us.