Soulful Smiles

    Do I really feel happy? Honestly, I'm not sure how or what to say in response to the question, "What makes me happy?" So maybe just let me tell you a tale.

It's April of 2024, almost a year since the last time I published something out of here.  

 

    Three years ago, I was a really happy and upbeat person who was driven to make the most of everything in my environment. I recall that I used to frequently do podcasts in order to ask strangers for a favor—that is, to please smile for me. Although it seems unusual that a complete stranger would ask you that, but as they smile for my favor, it makes me happy. And the moment they asked me why, I always answered, "Because you deserve to be truly happy." Even though happiness and smiling may not go hand in hand, we were able to find calm through smiling for even a brief moment in our lives. Even for brief moments, we are usually happy when we laugh or smile.

 

    Performing that kind of task or became my hobby during pandemic makes me joyful. To be honest, it feels awkward to tell strangers or other people in general that someone cares about their happiness.

 

    However, when things gradually returned to normal, I also gradually lost that stage of my life. I used to write and say inspirational things, but after a while I started crying a lot and lost drive. 

    A few months ago, someone has told me that I was very selfless and that I often sacrificed everything for other people. That individual even called me a "silent people pleaser," and at the time, I believed that statement to be true. However, I've come to know that I'm not at all. Since I often put the needs of others above my own, it may appear that I'm a people-pleaser, but in reality, it's just who I am.

 

    People that are kind and joyful around me makes me happy, and when they realize that I am in the same boat as them in time of darkness to make them feel they are not alone, then is when I am really happy. It's difficult to put into words, but I become really thrilled when I know that I'm supporting the mental and emotional well-being of others. However, there are moments when I also lose myself in my true happiness. I cannot dispute the fact that I have a tendency to lose myself in other people's problems and absorb them. However, I was quite happy with it. I realize that in order to learn anything in life, I will also have to go through that. Because doing something is difficult even when saying it is easy. And I am aware that losing oneself and finding it a million times over is preferable to not really understanding oneself.

 

    This quote, "If you can't see a miracle in your life, perhaps you are miracle for somebody else," same quote that I used 3 years ago still serves as a sincere reminder and response to the query, "What truly brings me joy?"

 

 




Comments

Post a Comment

Thank you! I appreciate you!

Popular posts from this blog

The Weight of a Timeless Heart

Image
     There is a lyric that has lingered in my mind lately,  “My skin is very young, but my heart is very old.” It captures an uncanny feeling, as if someone has placed their finger on a truth I couldn’t articulate. How can you be so young, yet feel the weight of decades in your chest? How can you carry the wisdom of experience without having lived long enough to earn it? That lyric encapsulates the strange duality of my life—of many lives, I’d imagine.      I’ve spent countless days chasing after happiness, hoping that the next milestone or achievement would bring me the fulfillment I’ve been searching for. I believed that if I gathered enough—more success, more love, more validation—I would finally feel complete. And yet, here I am, surrounded by everything I once dreamed of, realizing that fulfillment was never hidden in these external things. It’s a sobering realization, one that’s both freeing and heavy.      We live in a world that...
Read more

If All I Can Do Is Stay

Image
        Hi. How are you?       Not in the rushed, polite kind of way people ask out of habit. I mean — how’s your heart lately? Have you been sleeping well? Have you been feeling like yourself lately, or just trying to make it through the days? If no one’s asked, then let me be the one to say it now: I hope you’re okay. And if you’re not, I hope you still know you’re allowed to be held even in the middle of your mess.        This isn’t a letter filled with advice. I don’t have a list of things to fix what you’re going through, and I won’t pretend to understand everything you feel. But I wanted to say this, because it’s something I’ve been learning too: sometimes, the best thing we can do for someone is to simply stay. No grand gestures. No perfect words. Just presence — quiet, constant, and real.      There were days I felt like I was just… there. Like a background character in my own life. Not someone people missed, ...
Read more

A Note for the Living

Image
     As you read this, I honestly don’t know where I am right now. Maybe I’m lying in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling as the weight of my thoughts pins me down. Maybe I’m forcing a smile for someone, trying to convince them—and myself—that I’m okay. Or maybe I’m somewhere in between, lost in that fragile space where hope flickers but doesn’t quite take hold.      Or, I might not even be breathing anymore, and this will be my last words.      I know how heavy life can feel. The kind of heavy that makes you question if taking another breath is worth it. I’ve been there. Some nights, the silence in my room feels deafening, and my mind becomes a battlefield I’m too tired to fight in. I lie awake, haunted by thoughts of everything I’ve done wrong and everything I’ll never be. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? To carry all this pain and pretend you’re fine. To feel like you’re screaming for help, but no one can hear you.      That’s why...
Read more